You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
