There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
