I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
