I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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