I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
