The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
