I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
