my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
