I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bring me that man meat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
