I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My ATM looks so different sober.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
