i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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