Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
