I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
