There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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