i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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