quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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