At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
