Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
