the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
