don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
a search helicopter?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
