Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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