apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
