I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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