just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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