I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
