He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
