Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
