im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
