There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
