I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
