i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
