having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
