Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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