I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
