Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
