Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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