Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
