Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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