woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
