Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
