just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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