my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
