I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
