I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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