Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
