OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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