Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
