Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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