You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
