I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
